Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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