i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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