Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
