And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
