Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
