I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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