i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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