He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
