WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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