The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
