Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
