All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
