Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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