I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
