So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
