I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
