about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
