I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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