You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
