I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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