On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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