Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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