White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
handjob tips. give me some.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
