My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
