Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
