So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
