first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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