she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
