If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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