if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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