My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
