What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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