fuck your aforementioned shoe
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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