she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
