I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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