Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
