dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
