Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
