Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
