You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
