I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
