It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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