it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
