Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
