So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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