Someone shit on the floor
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
