i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
