he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
