I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
