6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this just has baby written all over it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
