I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
