everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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