those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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